The Internet isn’t real life. Look, I’m, sure you know this already, but let’s all take a minute in what has been a very difficult year, to take stock of our lives. Thanks to Covid, for many people the Internet is the only kind of social activity they’ve had. It’s frighteningly unhealthy and you must do everything you can to break free before you lose your soul online. That may sound dramatic, but the evidence of mental and emotional breakdown is there for everyone to see. Don’t let it happen to you. Here are the twelve online commandments…

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I write to you in my private capacity as a citizen of South Africa, just in case the media read it wrong, again. I watched your NCCC briefing today. I decided at the outset to give you the respect due to you – as an elder. Without the usual judgement that we’re all prone to, I listened not to get angry or find fault, but with an open mind…

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How are you doing in this madness? ‘Vasbyt’, as the Afrikaans people say…

I write one of these blogs every week and normally they’re not as controversial as the last two, but they might interest you if you’re thinking about what happens next. Just like any other mammal, I don’t have any special powers to predict the future, but I think it’s becoming clear that the lockdown will have far-reaching ramifications.

The Coronavirus pandemic has swept across the planet, leading to global chaos and extraordinary changes to all our lives. We’re all spending almost all our time at home and consuming media very differently. There are many confusing messages, and not many sources you can completely trust…

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We live, we learn. It has been almost three weeks since we heard from the President, and two weeks where I have found myself trending on Twitter. Neither of those things is optimal. I’d really like to hear from the President – because we’re in crisis and it would be in everyone’s interest to know what the endgame is. When is level 4 morphing into level 3? Are we still flattening curves, or are we just paralysed in fear or ignorance? Will people be able to return to work? Nobody can plan their lives unless we know these things. And by we, I think I can safely say, all of us…

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Time to level with each other, ok? You don’t have to prove you’re exercising at home during lockdown – we’ll know at the end when you roll out of your house if you did or not. I believe you’re working from home. Thanks to all the holidays, April was a write-off anyway, so we were only expecting 50% from you. Don’t feel bad if you’re not the most productive person on Earth – you’re not…

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