When your industry – the biggest in the world – is facing an existential crisis, who can you bank on to help steady the ship, and ensure that a once growing sector returns to its former place in the South African sun? Reg chats to Sisa Ntshona, the CEO of South African Tourism.

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25.05.20 Pt 1 – As of 1 June 2020, you are allowed to drink in South Africa… how much booze will you put into your body on that day? If you dry your underwear in a work colleague’s office, should they get to shank you? Earthquakes should never end an interview. What’s the worst pick-up line you’ve ever heard? Whatever it is, Siya topped it. Cringeworthy stuff!

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How are you doing in this madness? ‘Vasbyt’, as the Afrikaans people say…

I write one of these blogs every week and normally they’re not as controversial as the last two, but they might interest you if you’re thinking about what happens next. Just like any other mammal, I don’t have any special powers to predict the future, but I think it’s becoming clear that the lockdown will have far-reaching ramifications.

The Coronavirus pandemic has swept across the planet, leading to global chaos and extraordinary changes to all our lives. We’re all spending almost all our time at home and consuming media very differently. There are many confusing messages, and not many sources you can completely trust…

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Though JSE share value is down, this is no time to panic, Exchanges recover from crashes rather quickly. With the UK’s GDP contracting 2% in the first quarter and 33 million jobs lost in America, how will this affect consumer spending as lockdown eases? Group Five will be delisting after nearly five decades on the JSE.

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18.05.20 Pt 1 – Unless there’s cat vomit on your webinar, it’s not great viewing. Chequebooks are ridiculous aren’t they, it’s 2020! Gareth might buy the Pope’s car… bless him. You can socially distance and still preach the good word. And do Cubans just call them cigars?

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Old people are displaying some unusual Covid-19 symptoms. Smokers and drinkers have predictably discovered the black market. If you’re reporting your neighbours for having a braai, how resentful are you? It’s a honeymoon from hell, as some South Africans are still stuck in Thailand. Where would you go during the zombie apocalypse? Can Siya survive in the wild? Leigh-Ann sees the future… and it’s bleak. And Boris Johnson owes his life to two Nicks.

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George Mienie reports on some of the search stats on the AutoTrader website, which tells us a few things about the state of the country’s economy. People are also searching for cars at very odd times of the night – why are we all suddenly insomniacs? Are hybrid vehicles still in demand? Tesla cars can now see stop signs and red lights… which is handy! And the Lucky Devil Lounge – a strip club in the USA – has created a special drive-through show for its customers. Powered by AutoTrader.

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Over 1 million people who were gainfully employed a few weeks ago could find themselves without jobs post lockdown. And that’s just the start, as South Africa’s creaking economy grinds to a halt. But all is not lost, says leading labour expert Andrew Levy.

This podcast was originally published as part of Investec’s Coronavirus series.

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