21.08.20 Pt 1 – Durban is a tropical paradise, snow would bring heart failure to the surfers. The Kalvaris measure wellness by being the best of a mediocre bunch. Anti-semitism is not worth your child’s university fees. Menopause should be meno-off. A gay uncle brings a 4th dimension to your child’s life. And don’t be naked on a bus.
20.08.20 Pt 2 – Alright, let’s get this straight… just be nice and we’ll vote for you. How wild is it that the USA’s potential Vice-President was a weed smoking legal practitioner not so long ago? If you are going to be on an online call… unmute your mic, it’s not hard. If you have a ‘prison beard’ and it ends up on YouTube, we will judge you.
19.08.20 Pt 2 – The honest truth is that children are very rarely a good investment if you are looking for any sort of ROI. Who’s the disaster in your family, be honest it’s you isn’t it, yes you in the mirror! If your lady bits have WAP tendencies, what could be causing this… Dr Robyn diagnoses. Ladies, if your baby is big at birth, there’s no shame in letting them out through the ‘sunroof’. We then find out how girls and women can empower themselves, and their own safety with ‘Girls on Fire’.
19.08.20 Pt 1 – If you are a Virgo, are you better at harvesting ‘night energy’ by closing your eyes for 8 hours or so… if only we had five letters to describe that process? Do we need to cater for luddites on Zoom? Tracy Chapman says “forgive me” – I don’t do technology. Don’t tell your parents you have WAP at your house, the meaning’s changed.
18.08.20 Pt 2 – They’re going woohoo in Wuhan, how do we feel about this? Please don’t shame your work colleagues who have let themselves go in lockdown… rather ring a shame bell – it’s the right level of cruelty without being a monster. The lead singer’s girlfriend is not your friend, write that down. And aligning chakras is not to be taken seriously.
18.08.20 Pt 1 – Fellow South Africans, not to worry, NDZ didn’t do anything. She was a victim of ‘the machine’, plus she was married to Jacob – so there’s that. Should you be shallow or do people’s personalities mean anything in the year of our lord, Instagram 2020. If you die, do you want a eulogy, or just a quick ice cold goodbye. He lived, he died… the end.
17.08.20 Pt 2 – William and his wife might run out of money soon, how will a poor Prince live? Are pandemics a hotspot for Tinder trolls? Education pays, they say, NSFAS in particular. If you are going to travel, don’t take a boat to Greece, they’re not taking visitors right now.
17.08.20 Pt 1 – Should we ban the booze benders in South Africa? What do you do if your neighbour’s nipples are on display for all to see, like Grace Kelly in Rear Window? Politicians wouldn’t dick around if they had less room for corruption. Lockdown friends are best if they are rich… and not a serial killer.
14.08.20 Pt 2 – Level 2 is on the way, but it comes with a few creases. If we’re going to be out in public, maybe dancing girls in nightclubs have the solution. Is there anything as cold as a whore’s heart? Only methheads don’t answer calls… put the pipe down and pick up the phone! Irony is when a drunkard bans drinking. ‘Sibongile Money’ is not smart enough to be a criminal.