Have Manchester United secured a top three spot with the return of Cristiano Ronaldo? Arsenal have spent more money than the GDP of Africa and they are worse than ever, how is this possible? Are Barcelona being scammed by the ‘injured’ Kun Aguero? There’s a region and tribe in the North of South Africa which likes Italian loafers, is this cool or just unacceptable, especially without socks? Does James actually hate his beloved Liverpool?